Which game are you playing?
Choosing your direction is more important than your speed
We’re all playing a game in which winning involves maximizing a main currency being either money, power, or time.
Some try to win the money game by accumulating the most worth. These people may live in New York City and Silicon Valley, or perhaps go as far as having no home other than their offshore legal address.
Others try to win the power game by amassing as much clout and influence as possible through politics or ownership of critical goods. These people may live in D.C. or, more ambitiously, be involved with many countries simultaneously, fully embracing the chess-like nature of geopolitics.
Then there are those trying to win at spirituality. The issue with this is that it’s an oxymoron to maximize spiritual life, since every scripture and ancient sage is telling us to live without attachment to anything, including the desire for whatever “spiritual depth” means (there isn’t a consistent definition, which is a big problem with playing this game). I believe these people are actually trying to maximize time and depth of presence, but fall victim to the cunning games within this realm, such as a craving for predicting in this realm, speaking to other realms, or the worst of all, a desire for a certain image or pseudo-power without them realizing it.
“Hedonism is cunning” captures the futility of trying to win this ambiguous game called spirituality.
Money is involved with every game
The necessity of money is impossible to avoid for the majority of humans. Unless you’re part of an indigenous tribe, or have elected to join some pseudo-tribe in Latin America, you’re tied to variable no matter what game you play.
“After a certain point, money is just a story we tell ourselves[…]before there's money, there's a story. It turns out that once you change the story, the money changes too.” — Seth Godin (source)
When it comes to money, we’re often tied to some story of what it represents without us knowing it.
Let’s take a common source responsible for our perception of what money means: our upbringing.
What was the relationship that people in your household had with money when you were growing up? What were the things your parents would say about a lack of money, or what promise more money would bring?
The typical “if only money grew on trees,” or the equally common but more discrete belief that “money will solve all my problems” shape not only our interaction with money but with the world as a whole.
The usual story we absorb about money in our upbringing has to do with how vital a large sum of money is to happiness. As we grow into adults, we are eager to gain our independence, and money is the primary source for enabling this.
But after a couple more decades, we slowly start seeing wealthy people, whether distantly through their fame and notoriety, or more people we personally know of, remain not happy. Maybe not miserable, but certainly not deeply happy.
Understand what your money story is by tracing down which events in your upbringing shaped it.
Which game am I already playing?
Once you understand your current money story, you can zero in on what game you’re playing. What are you trying to win at? More importantly, what’s the motivation behind winning this game? Most importantly, how is the game you’ve (un)consciously selected (mis)aligned with what you value most in life?
Since our friends are a mirror of who we are and what we value, seeing what are the games you’re surrounded by through your social circle is a great way to triangulate what you’re valuing in reality (and not in your ideals). Who you surround yourself with and how that time is spent will not lie.
"If you had to make a Curb Your Enthusiasm-type episode parody of your friend group, what would you include in that episode? This points out the rules of the game and what winning means in your social circle. If they’re doing it, chances are you’re doing at least some of it, too." — Tim Ferriss (source)
You may see a misalignment between what you thought you were valuing, and what your actions are saying you value.
Opting out of the current game
It’s a craft in itself to carefully remove yourself from the game you found yourself playing that is not serving you well.
But before you remove yourself from it, think about how it may serve you well in a specified amount of time:
“If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. — Chinese Proverb (source)”
Our life may be one book, but the chapters vary significantly.
It’s very natural for 20-some-year-olds to apply full speed early on in their career when responsibilities and therefore constraints are least present. It’s the best time to build wealth in terms of skills, money, network, etc. We’re most ambitious when we’re 20-something.
This way there is no regret or guilt later on in life to turn up the heat in your career since you’d already have done it at the most ideal time.
Just know what the exact number is that you’re trying to hit, and if you don’t hit it, when to know you’ve incurred enough damage so you can humbly yet confidently bow your way out of the dojo.
Picking which game to opt into
“It’s not how well you play the game, it’s deciding what game you want to play.” — Kwame Appiah
In other words, choosing which direction you’re heading in is infinitely more consequential than reaching a specific landmark on the map.
My go-to prompt for kickstarting this process is a concise one:
“What do I want to optimize for?”
I see this like choosing what is the top node in the decision tree of my life. “What is the one thing that dictates yes/no for everything else?” For me, it’s time.
The hardest part in this process is being radically honest with yourself. If you aren’t, you’ll be compromising again. The likely cause of the fear of jumping in with two feet is that you haven’t fully quit the previous game you were part of.
“Whatever you decide, you need to optimize for that goal, and be willing to let go of the others.” — Derek Sivers (source)
The more specific you are with what you want to optimize for, the more effective this will be. I mentioned I’m optimizing for time, but that’s too vague. I’m really optimizing for time to do tasks and between tasks. More on this in my next post.
Until then, I’d absolutely love to see you drop your old vs. new game in the comments. And I’m sure the other 100+ subscribers would be keen to learn from you, too.